Veron’s Twitter reminded me of how bad drunkenness can be.

That got me thinking about my family. It seems that people in my household are prone to addictive behaviour. My grandfather was addicted to opium, he was a brilliant engineer who worked in the Singapore Bus Company, who smoked his inheritance and future away.

My father smokes (cigarettes) and drinks - oftentimes too much for his own good. He’ll come home drunk and slump asleep in the toilet seat - depriving us the use of our only toilet. I still can’t stand his smoking… but he’s my dad and i love him.

Myself? I have many vices - gambling, stealing, internet and work.

I remember as a secondary school kid (sec 1 or sec 2), i got into a little gambling game. We’ll each held a coin or dollar note in our clasped palms and guess how much is in the other person’s hand. The one who guessed correctly is the winner. And winner takes all.

I suspect the root of my additive behaviour was a desire to win at all cost. Winning is a very additive feeling - no one likes to lose. The prospect of winning at a guessing game drove me - staking my lunch money to pursue that feeling.

Eventually i started losing quite a lot. I remember one experience quite vividly.

I had lost quite a bit on a bout of betting. The kid i was playing against was winning all my money. I had to get it back. I staked my last 1 dollar note on the last bet. All our previous bets were in 10 cents and 20 cents denominations - never higher. So i was taking a big risk with my $1 bet.

I guessed that he was holding 50 cents in his hands. I looked straight into his eyes, anticipating a big win… he had frowned his brow in deep concentration…

“I guess…. $1 dollar!”

I couldn’t believe my ears! He won! (he only had 20 cents in his palm).

I remembered that i was close to tears. And i chased him down a corridor trying to get my dollar back. He wasn’t gonna give it back.

Life’s not like a game where we can press the “reset” button. What’s done can’t be undone.

I stopped gambling for money from that day forth.