In life, i’ve always strove to look forward, not backwards. As the mantra goes - “In life, we regret the things we didn’t do, more than the things we did.” However, there are some things that i did in my life that i’ve come to feel not so sure about.

I don’t regret them per se. Just feel that my life could have been very different had i chosen an alternative route.

1) Breaking up with Shuhui

My first serious relationship. I was young, hot-headed and stubborn at 20 years of age. Maybe i should have fought harder to keep it. Rather than walk away when our umpteenth fight outside her house in Jurong East. It was a long lonely walk back to the train station - and it still is.

My younger brother is married and expecting their first child next year. Perhaps i would have been happily married with kids by now had i fought harder to keep the relationship.

We were both hurt pretty bad from that breakup. She couldn’t find closure till 3 years after the breakup where we had a long chat over the phone. We have not spoken since. I am already over the relationship.

2) Skipping my NUS exams in favour of my part-time work - TWICE!

Many wonder why i never graduated from NUS Arts. The truth was that i skipped the exams 2 semesters in a row, in favour of my part time work at a web design firm. I was so foolish, putting my career before my studies. The company eventually folded, owing employee a shit load of unpaid salaries and CPF monies - which till this day, the employer is still paying in installments.

I regret not having taken my studies more seriously. I had let the grandiose ideal of “struggling high school dropout entrepreneur” syndrome get to me. Resulting in waste of time and money - and with nothing to show for it other than broken promises and an empty bank account.

3) Selling out my company so soon

In selling my company back in 2006, i had raised a white flag - i surrender. It resulted in me delegating my own fate to someone else, namely my employer. I had given up my freedom and lost my will to fight. I convinced myself that i had no fight in me anymore to upkeep the company i fought so hard to start.

As a start-up entrepreneur, the survival instinct is stronger. The urgency to deliver and to excel is greater. The desire to achieve success is much deeper. Going back to working for someone was an admission that i can’t do it, and truthfully, a sign of weakness on my part.

I just feel terrible everyday. I’m a blue collar worker now. Like a caged lion with no territory and I’ve lost my will to fight and to excel. What use is it to overachieve? Its a lousy feeling i dread everyday.

On hindsight, i should have taken CL’s advise and kept the company going. Cos if i dug deeper, i would have found the fight to move forward.

Conclusion

I’ll take a leaf from Sir Winston Churchill’s life journal - “Never, never, never give up. Ever.”

I’ve always preached about how important it is to have a team. Cos business is a team sport. My current team is impeccable and driven. And i feel i have frustrated them with my “caged lion” mentality. Its time to let the lion out of the cage again… to roam the landscape and reclaim its rightful territory.

Time to move into fifth gear. I am ready and i will not be afraid.