Was off work early one day last week. One of those days where i didn’t have any work meeting planned in the evening.

After a whole day of hard work, i just wanna unwind and grab dinner. I suddenly realise that i needed a dinner companion.

On the way to the bus stop, i messaged D. She works nearby. Figured she’ll want some dinner. However, she wasn’t feeling well and too pissed at her work to eat. Strike ONE.

Decided to go to City Hall. Messaged J cos she hangs out there so often. No response till i reach Raffles City. J couldn’t make it cos she needed to run some errands before her overseas trip. Strike TWO.

Messaged S in the hope that she’s working late and wouldn’t mind grabbing dinner with me before she leaves for home. She was working late, but she had to rush off to some F1 PR event that evening - something she had worked hard on for the longest. She felt bad and promised to make it up to me another day. Strike THREE.

Eventually dined alone at the Food Junction food court.

After sending off my last message to S, i came to a sad realisation. For the whole evening, i was setting myself up for disappointment & rejection. No one likes to be called up like that at such a last minute. No one is THAT spontaneous. Spontaneity doesn’t build a sense of security.

Perhaps its the nature of my work now. I need to focus 100%. No time to think about after-work activities. And by the time i am ready to think about it, i am out of the office door - already too late.

Figured that i can’t afford to allocate time to think for and about a significant other in my life now. If i can’t even make space for someone else in my life, to care for that person, how do i expect others to reciprocate?

Think i’m better off alone. Or perhaps i should just let things happen naturally.